Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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