I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
