Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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