i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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