Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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