I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
