She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize