so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
