my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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