Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
