Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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