I'm jealous of your bromance
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Holy sore nipples Batman
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
