There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
