some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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