Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
