I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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