Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
