I got chris browned last night
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
