Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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