so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
COCAINE IS GR8
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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