I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
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