im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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