two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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