god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
