i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
