Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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