Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
