Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
