fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
