Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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