Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
