Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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