New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
