let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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