You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
