I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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