Yo dont text me then not text me
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
