rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
