if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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