You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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