There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
