Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
