mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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