I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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