i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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