do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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