I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
