I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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