Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
