I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
