I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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