Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
