I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
