i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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