Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
