i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
