I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
