I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
